This is the Big One Elizabeth – Roman’s First Day at Daycare

So I knew this day was coming, but I didn’t think it would get here so FAST! This past Thursday, Roman started day care. Not the 2-day/week Mother’s Morning Out program he’s been attending the past few months that’s from 9-1pm (though I LOVE that program and he loves Ms. Nicole!) This is full-day, full-time day care. My initial plan had been to wait until he turned a year, but as most seasoned mothers know (and I did not), when a spot opens up at a day care you like, you typically have to seize it or risk missing out altogether. Roman is on a wait list for a couple of schools near my new job, but the one that became available is actually closer to our home than work. During my process of interviewing centers, I found this one particularly good in its practices with scheduling (big plus with me), learning stimulation (they change “activities” often to keep kids engaged), flexible days (you can do part-time or full-time days/week which is rare) and the length of time the staff has worked there (on avg. 3 years, which is a lifetime in day care providers!). Even more important – they have a video camera system that lets you view your child whenever you desire. All things considered – I was pretty favorable towards them so when a spot opened, I agreed to start Roman 2 months early for a few days a week.

I was surprisingly comfortable with the plan, especially after talking with a few mothers there who offered me advice and their feedback about how much the center is making a difference with their kids and what kind of personal relationships they often have with the kids. The one NOT as comfortable – Nana. Yeah, she loved the comments and the center’s set up and all, but no one would be able to give her baby as much love as she has for the last 9 months. Still, she agreed it was probably best to start him in a program soon if I ultimately wanted him in one, and this would be a good option. That said, I kept his Mom’s Morning Out dates, and the afternoon’s with Nana twice a week, and set Roman up for his first time in full-day care.

The morning of, we woke and had breakfast, but not too much, since the school provides all his meals and his formula – another great benefit. Plus, knowing he will need to get to know the teachers, I thought feeding would be an easy “icebreaker”. So long as you have the spoon, he will typically give you his attention!

After breakfast, we bundled up to brave the cold and headed out. Once we got there, the teachers were great about keeping him occupied while I got his particulars in order for the day. Diapers, bibs, change of clothes, toys – plus making his bottles for the day – all while he explored the room. A few babies were there already, and Roman quickly made friends.

Halfway through explaining to the teachers all of my nuances (“He likes to eat Cheerios in between containers of baby food, but not too many….lay him on his side to sleep, only give him the Organic meat I provided for lunch…) I realized that I was tearing up. Not a lot, but enough that the teacher recognized wanted to assure me that he would be fine. Not wanting to ball in her face, I grabbed Munchkin to give him a kiss goodbye. And just as I got into a good hug, he reached out of my arms for Ms. Luisa and the container of bananas she had just pulled out to feed him.

Taking the hint, I announced that it was probably “time to make my escape” and slunk out the classroom. I stood on the other side of the door where he couldn’t see me and watched him eat and look around. I was confident he was looking for me and it took all my energy not to throw the door open and say “here I am”! Instead, I gave the receptionist all of my phone numbers plus my email and the numbers of everyone else I could think of and told her to call for ANYTHING!

Now ya’ll know that as SOON as I stepped into the office, I was on that computer looking for Roman! After searching both cameras and calling the school three times to complain that I couldn’t find him, he finally crawled to the toys in front of the lens. I am not sure what I expected, but there he was, playing among the other kids just fine. I was temporarily comforted, until he tried to reach for another child’s toy and fell forward and got frustrated so he started to cry. I waited and watched and no one came to his aide. I was infuriated. Yes, he had reacted to a fall like that a hundred times with me in the same way, and yes, I respond just the same. No need to reward your temper tantrum with immediate response – and generally he figures out that no one is going to assist and he figures out to just crawl there and get what he wants and he’s fine. And as I am preparing in my head for the argument I am going to have with the teacher as soon as I find the school’s card again, that is exactly what he does. He sits up, looks around and crawls to the toy and drags it out of my view. And poof – he’s off again, while I’m glued to the screen for another hour waiting to glimpse him gliding by before his lunchtime.

All of my girlfriends told me to log off. They said I was being a stalker. (This was, of course, before I let them log and see how extremely addictive it was. One auntie, who will remain nameless, was glued there longer than me!). The truth was, though, that they were right. I could watch for hours but would always be worried that the care he was getting wasn’t as attentive as it could be from me. And honestly, it wouldn’t be. I’m no “supermom”, but one-on-one attention for a baby will always trump group care in terms of the level of care a single child can receive. And Roman had been blessed enough to have that for almost an entire year from me, Maurice and my parents. But maybe the measurement that I needed to compare his school with wasn’t how much attention he got but how much time he got to socialize. To play with kids his own age (I’m fun, but after 2 hours on the floor, mommy’s gotta take a break!) and even learn that he’s not the center of the world (*GASP*). If I thought he would benefit from learning patience and independence when he was home with me, why all of a sudden was it not a good thing when he was in school?

So I logged off and thought instead of all the great things that Roman being in school would mean. When he started Mother’s Morning Out, he became an expert crawler (not the low crawl of before) simply by watching the bigger kids in his class. When he attended Sunday School, he always charmed the teachers and began to branch out with group play. I even saw the transformation in how he interacted at Gymboree as he became more aware of his surroundings and confident that he could tackle new challenges without me. This, it seemed, was more than just me needing to adjust to day care. It was the adjustment of realizing that my baby was growing up.
That afternoon, I raced from work to pick Roman up at school. I surprised him at the door and he dropped his toy to crawl to me and give me his famous grin. I melted just holding him, as if he had been away weeks instead of hours. While I packed up his things, he clung to my leg, but not in a frightened way. More in excitement to see me and play with me, even show me what he’d learned. When his teachers offered that he had done well and only cried briefly, instead of worrying about the crying, I puffed with pride about how well he did.

On the way out, a mother was coming in to pick up her child. She complimented my coat and asked me if I was new. “I am”, I replied. “This is my son, Roman. Today was his first day”. She cooed at Roman who in turn smiled and laughed. She smiled back and remarked – “And look, no tears at all. That sounds like a good first day”. I looked up from Roman to her to agree and caught her glance – and realized she was talking about me.